We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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