I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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