WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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