if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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