So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize