Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
