Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
