if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
