and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
