We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
