She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
