WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We are two peas in an std pod
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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