sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
