never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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