If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I am midnight drunk by noon
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
