i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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