marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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