lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
