ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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