look no pants
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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