why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
