ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
