you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
