He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
