never play flip cup with pint glasses
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
