I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize