I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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