Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
