You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
