i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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