do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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