About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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