Whod you bang
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
