I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
