we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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