The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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