If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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