I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
