the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
