we have officially lost it.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
