fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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