I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
