so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
