Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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