I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
