Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
