Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
we made out on top of his cat.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Less talking, more tequila
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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