omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
