I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my being single is dangerous.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
