Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
