I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
