Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
