You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
