I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
