That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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