I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
