Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
