the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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