Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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