I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
