He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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