A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize