He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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