1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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