shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
this boner is exhausting
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You can't just leave with hair like that
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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