You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize