There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
