I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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