Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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