Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
