i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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