Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
