I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
they call him Oral-B. enough said
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
