pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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