doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
