She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
