Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i dont even know how to be here
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
