i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
