I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
