Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
