Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
