Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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