3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
