My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
