five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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