Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
