she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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