I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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