Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
it's like iHOP with fire
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
