She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I could fuck to npr.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
