Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
