Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize