Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
