Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
