So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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