It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
