the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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