on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
