I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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