This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
