You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize