We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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