If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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