Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
