at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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