You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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