how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
