I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think a kid would responsible me up
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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