I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
