my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
