I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
