our cab driver is having phone sex.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize