Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
