so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
